he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone came in the potted fern
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
