woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You pole danced in your parka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
