Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
