im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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