it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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