Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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