He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
