Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
