in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
