I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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