I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
