how can u be prego again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
