my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
