I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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