I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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