420 ftw
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
