I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
