I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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