You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
