At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's get the cat blown out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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