We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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