well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
