Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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