Kiss
Puke
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
