So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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