Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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