They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is an emotional support booty call
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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