Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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