Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
