I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
