I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
