absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
