i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
