She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
