This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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