im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
