he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
