I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
