if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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