Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
