He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
