Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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