Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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