Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
