no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my being single is dangerous.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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