Cold hands, warm shart.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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