Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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