Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
