I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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