there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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