I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
