i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
