i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
where are my eyebrows?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
