Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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