Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
